venting

I'm changing my way of thinking. I began this process quite blind to what I was doing a while ago. This whole new way of being came to me gradually as I realized there has to be more to this life than I have found. I must have been looking in the wrong spot. I was not only looking in the wrong place, I was looking at everything the wrong way! Gradually, books, CD's, and television productions made their way into my life at just the right moments and opened my mind to a new way of doing life. It's not so much doing as it is being and believing.

My focus shifted from paying attention to the negative and the past to the positive and the present. Let me share an interesting experience that happened just in the past few hours. Last night, I began a new journal entry, which started like this "Today I am thankful for...". This entry formed a wonderful list of the fabulous experiences and people I met throughout my day. It wasn't a momentous day in life--I didn't win the lottery or meet a huge celebrity. I was thankful for the little things that made my day unique and interesting. Had I not done this, one of the best things of my day (well, even more than just that day) would have been forgotten.

I had been on the phone with my brother earlier in the evening and he was noticing that something was bothering me. He didn't say this to me, but he felt it. After a bit, I opened up about a frustrating incident from the day. He listened and let me vent. When I was finished, he thanked me. HE THANKED ME FOR VENTING TO HIM. What? That's right. He thanked me for allowing myself to open up to him like that. You see, part of what I am moving toward is keeping a positive outlook and focusing on what I want my life to be rather than on the things that are negative and what I don't want more of in my life. To vent flies in the face of that, but I am finding it is very difficult not to to that sometimes.

So, today, I stumbled a bit in my quest to find that perfect outlook on life, but I gained so much more. I feel much closer to my brother, and he was able to help me in a way I hadn't let him before. THAT is what it's all about--making and cementing those connections in life.